husband

Culture’s War on the Biblical Family

It’s time to get real. The enemy has been in the business of causing division and strife within the family since creation. Eve, knowing what God had said about the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, was still deceived and ate from it, believing that she would be like God in wisdom. Adam, also knowing the word of the Lord, still ate when Eve offered him the fruit. Thus sin entered the world, and Adam and Eve were removed from the perfect Garden of Eden to face the consequences of their actions. Then we read about Cain and Abel where Abel gives an offering pleasing to God, but Cain’s offering was less pleasing than Abel’s so Cain murdered his brother. Jacob and Esau were rivals since birth, yet Jacob, being younger, gained Esau’s birthright and become the father of the nation of Israel. Skip ahead to the modern age and now we have homosexual and transgender families paraded around our culture as lampposts for the modern family. Divorce has become expected rather than being the exception. Movies, television shows, schools, social media, businesses, and news media have normalized these kinds of families to where we have become numb, or even worse, afraid to speak out. We have become complacent and think that this is just how life is supposed to be. What we forget is that mankind, since creation, has had the gift of free will.

Eve chose to eat the fruit knowing God’s warning, and Adam chose to follow his wife instead of God. In Genesis 4:7, Cain was warned by God that sin was at his door desiring him, and he must master it. But instead Cain chose to kill his brother. In Genesis 25:23, the Lord revealed to Rebekah that she had twins in her womb—two nations—and the older (Esau) would serve the younger (Jacob). As they grew up, Esau became the hunter, but Jacob was peaceful. One day Esau came home famished and desired the food Jacob made. Jacob asked Esau for his birthright first, and Esau swore it to him (Gen. 25:31-34). Therefore, Esau had no regard for the blessing given to him. He chose to give away what was his over his temporary desire for food, and in the end he became the nation of Edom, separated from Jacob’s family, the nation of Israel. In everything, there is a choice. As the church, we can choose to remain silent about what has happened to the biblical family, or we can stand up for what is right, knowing that it can cost us dearly on earth. As Jesus taught His disciples in Matthew 6:19-21, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth or rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Do we treasure the spiritual well-being of our home and the church over the riches and stature given to us in this world by remaining silent?

The main problem is that the church does not know how to defend the biblical family because it doesn’t know what the family is supposed to look like. We spend more time engaging with the world and its message rather than the truth of God’s Word. The average Christian can quote John 3:16, Jeremiah 29:11 and Philippians 4:13, but can he or she recall what Ephesians 5 says about marriage? Will a Christian woman say that a wife is commanded to submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ (Eph. 5:22-24)? Will a Christian man say that a husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church, giving Himself up for her (Eph. 5:25-30)? Will a Christian woman adhere to Paul’s instructions to Timothy in 1 Timothy 2:9-15?:

“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.”

In addition, after writing about the proper order within church gatherings, Paul instructs the church in Corinth (a letter that would have been read at other churches as well) about women: “The women are to keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but are to subject themselves, just as the Law also says. If they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church (1 Cor. 14:34-35).” If we say we adhere to Scripture, why do we overlook these passages? These passages also imply that husbands should understand the Word of God in order to be able to provide answers when asked. In 1 Corinthians 14:37-38, Paul makes an important statement: “If anyone thinks he is a prophet or spiritual, let him recognize that the things which I write to you are the Lord’s commandment. But if anyone does not recognize this, he is not recognized.” He is referring to everything written to the Corinthians about the proper order in the church, including his instructions about women. Although Paul writes the letter, the message is from the Lord and is a commandment to be obeyed.

Will leaders in the church adhere to Paul’s message to Timothy in 1 Timothy 3:4-7?:

“He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.”

How many times have we heard of pastors’ kids going off the rails or becoming estranged from their parents? Scripture tells us that if a leader in the church cannot manage his own home, he should not be a leader. And that brings me to probably the most controversial point—there is no mention in Scripture of female leadership in the church. Older women should teach younger women (Titus 2:3-5) and mothers should teach their children (Proverbs 1:8), but Paul is clear that a woman should not teach over a man (1 Timothy 2:12). It violates the order of submission within the church and home. The church has become disobedient to the Lord in that area, which has led to many women trying to be the spiritual leaders of their own homes. Yet there are plenty of roles for women in the church. Scripture talks about spiritual gifts being given to all members of the church, including women. We also know of prophetesses in Scripture such as Anna in Luke 2:36 and women who supported Jesus’ ministry and early church ministry (Matthew 27:55; Luke 8:2-3; Luke 10:38-42; Acts 16:13-15; Romans 16:1). The Lord created men and women and loves both equally; however, each one has his or her proper roles in the home and in the church.

The enemy knows all of these things and has used our culture to normalize what is not from God. He has caused the people of God to fear man more than fearing God to the point where not only has marriage been targeted but also our children. Innocence has been stripped away to normalize sexual behavior and deviance among children. If we cannot get our homes straight and back on the spiritual track to obeying God and His Word, the church will also fall apart. Each home is a mini church where the husband/father leads the home in truth, and the wife submits to him out of obedience to the Lord, and the children submit to their parents out of obedience to the Lord. The world will hate us for it, but Jesus already prayed to the Father on our behalf even before we decided to take the name of “Christian”:

“While I was with them (the disciples), I was keeping them in Your name which You have given Me; and I guarded them and not one of them perished but the son of perdition, so that Scripture would be fulfilled. But now I come to You; and these things I speak in the world so that they may have My joy made full in themselves. I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your Word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them in the world. For their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth. I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me. The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.” John 17:12-23

Jesus spoke these words to the Father right before He was arrested and later crucified to take away our sins, even the ones we are now committing in the church. If we, as the church, want to be presented to Him as holy, spotless, and blameless when He returns (Ephesians 5:27), we must ask for forgiveness and remove the sin that we’ve allowed in the church. We must ask God to help us restore our families and our churches according to His Word and His order for how can He work through us if we have chosen to follow the world? It is our time to choose.

©Lauren Demuth

Wives, Submit to Your Husbands

I can already sense the raised eyebrows and crossed arms. Submit?! We can often handle the word “respect” but “submit” is too much. However, this way of thinking is not Spirit-inspired but rather culture-inspired. In Western cultures, it is rare to hear anyone in society support the notion of hierarchy and submission within the home. And if we’re honest, the church has done a poor job teaching Scripture’s truth on the roles of men and women in the home and in the church. I would argue that the majority of the church has succumbed to culture’s viewpoint rather than the Lord’s. So what is the Lord’s will for the church and our families?

Creation is where everything began for humanity. Genesis 1:26-30 provides a general overview of the creation of man and how we were made in the image of God. We were created male and female and were given dominion over the earth and commanded to be fruitful and multiply. God created all that we would need to survive. Genesis 2 gives us a bit more detail on the creation of man. In verse 7 we read that God formed man from the dust of the earth, breathed life into him, and set him in the garden that He created for man to cultivate. But the Lord saw that it was not good for man to be alone (v. 18) so He decided to make a helper suitable for him. Nothing in creation was suitable for Adam so that Lord caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. He took one of his ribs and created Woman from it (vv. 21-22). Verses 23 and 24 state:

“The man said,

‘This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.’

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

We cannot deny from these passages that God created Adam first, and Eve was created from a part of him. We are unique from the rest of creation in a number of ways, but I believe this facet is one of the most striking. Man and woman are joined physically in bone and flesh hence the phrase “they shall become one flesh” in verse 24. 

Fast-forward thousands of years to the time of the early church. In Ephesians 5, Paul writes about relationships, and specifically in verses 22-33, he writes about husbands and wives. I have heard professors and preachers use verse 21 to promote mutual submission between husband and wife because it says, “and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” If that was the end of the discussion, I could see how this would lead to the idea of mutual submission. But the rest of Paul’s message provides an explanation to verse 21. Let’s read vv. 22-33:

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

What I love about this passage is how marriage is compared to the relationship between Christ and the church because it shows what love should look like and leaves no room to doubt that there is a hierarchy within the home. In explanation to verse 21, wives are instructed to be subject to their own husbands. In plain language, Paul explains that the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. The church subjects itself to Christ; therefore, the wife is to subject herself to her husband. We wouldn’t say that Christ submits to the church so why do we say that husbands should submit to their wives? Scripture clearly denies this notion. Rather, it should be noted that husbands have a bit more instruction than the wives do because they are to emulate Christ and His love for the church. They ought to love their wives as their own bodies (going back to the creation account in Genesis) and to love sacrificially as Christ did, giving Himself up for the sake of the church. Husbands are given great responsibility in regards to their wives and families. In the same way we submit to Christ because of the love He has demonstrated to us, wives also ought to submit to their husbands. 

As we know, no marriage or relationship is perfect. We are sinful beings striving to live righteously in a sinful world. Peter writes to the church in 1 Peter 3:1-7:

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

Again, I want to reiterate that Peter, just like Paul, is writing to the church. They are instructions for believers and are not condoning abuse in any way. Rather, if a woman’s husband is not in right-standing with God, she’s not being told to point her finger at him and remind him of his faults as our culture often demonstrates. Instead, it is his wife’s behavior- respectful, gentle, quiet, modest- that can help him turn back to God. No words need to be said. We are not supposed to be self-seeking, boisterous, gossiping, nagging women. Often people get bent out of shape when they read “live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman.” It is not meant to cause offense, but in truth, emotionally and physically we are weaker. We are led too often by emotions rather than wisdom, which can bleed into how we walk spiritually. When people continue reading, they would see that a husband’s behavior towards his wife is important for his own spiritual life: “show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” That’s quite a powerful statement. If a husband is not doing his part in caring for his wife and being the spiritual leader that he’s meant to be, God may not give heed to his prayers until the situation has been reconciled. Husbands and wives are both responsible to fulfill their God-given roles. 

It’s easy to laugh at comedians who talk about husbands fearing their wives because of their many moods and whims. We even hear such quips from the pulpit. We laugh because we see this behavior in our own lives. As the church, our relationships are often not reflections of Scripture but of the world. If wives are not submitting to and respecting their husbands as the head of their household and husbands are not loving and caring for their wives like Christ loves the church, why should we expect God to move in our families and in the church? What example are we setting for non-believers when our lives look just like theirs? How many marriages have ended in failure and how much of that could’ve been prevented just by following God’s Word? Wives, it is not our job to be the spiritual head of the household. It isn’t. Should we pray? Absolutely! Should we cover our husband and children in prayer? Yes! Should we be in the Word and lead by example? Yes! But men in our culture have been told that they’re toxic and that they’re unwanted and not needed. They have been emasculated by the media, politics, and yes, even the church. So how can we expect them to be leaders when they’re told just the opposite? We need men like Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David, etc. They were not perfect, but they strived to be men of God, leading the people of Israel in strength and righteousness. Isn’t that the kind of husband you want leading your family? As women, don’t we want to honor God by how we treat our husbands? We have to stop caring if the world is offended by our behavior and get our hearts, minds, and attitudes back to the truth of God’s Word. 

The world needs to see real love. Christ is the ultimate demonstration of that love, and our marriages should be a reflection of Christ’s love to His bride.

© Lauren Demuth