It’s time to get real. The enemy has been in the business of causing division and strife within the family since creation. Eve, knowing what God had said about the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, was still deceived and ate from it, believing that she would be like God in wisdom. Adam, also knowing the word of the Lord, still ate when Eve offered him the fruit. Thus sin entered the world, and Adam and Eve were removed from the perfect Garden of Eden to face the consequences of their actions. Then we read about Cain and Abel where Abel gives an offering pleasing to God, but Cain’s offering was less pleasing than Abel’s so Cain murdered his brother. Jacob and Esau were rivals since birth, yet Jacob, being younger, gained Esau’s birthright and become the father of the nation of Israel. Skip ahead to the modern age and now we have homosexual and transgender families paraded around our culture as lampposts for the modern family. Divorce has become expected rather than being the exception. Movies, television shows, schools, social media, businesses, and news media have normalized these kinds of families to where we have become numb, or even worse, afraid to speak out. We have become complacent and think that this is just how life is supposed to be. What we forget is that mankind, since creation, has had the gift of free will.

Eve chose to eat the fruit knowing God’s warning, and Adam chose to follow his wife instead of God. In Genesis 4:7, Cain was warned by God that sin was at his door desiring him, and he must master it. But instead Cain chose to kill his brother. In Genesis 25:23, the Lord revealed to Rebekah that she had twins in her womb—two nations—and the older (Esau) would serve the younger (Jacob). As they grew up, Esau became the hunter, but Jacob was peaceful. One day Esau came home famished and desired the food Jacob made. Jacob asked Esau for his birthright first, and Esau swore it to him (Gen. 25:31-34). Therefore, Esau had no regard for the blessing given to him. He chose to give away what was his over his temporary desire for food, and in the end he became the nation of Edom, separated from Jacob’s family, the nation of Israel. In everything, there is a choice. As the church, we can choose to remain silent about what has happened to the biblical family, or we can stand up for what is right, knowing that it can cost us dearly on earth. As Jesus taught His disciples in Matthew 6:19-21, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth or rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Do we treasure the spiritual well-being of our home and the church over the riches and stature given to us in this world by remaining silent?

The main problem is that the church does not know how to defend the biblical family because it doesn’t know what the family is supposed to look like. We spend more time engaging with the world and its message rather than the truth of God’s Word. The average Christian can quote John 3:16, Jeremiah 29:11 and Philippians 4:13, but can he or she recall what Ephesians 5 says about marriage? Will a Christian woman say that a wife is commanded to submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ (Eph. 5:22-24)? Will a Christian man say that a husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church, giving Himself up for her (Eph. 5:25-30)? Will a Christian woman adhere to Paul’s instructions to Timothy in 1 Timothy 2:9-15?:

“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.”

In addition, after writing about the proper order within church gatherings, Paul instructs the church in Corinth (a letter that would have been read at other churches as well) about women: “The women are to keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but are to subject themselves, just as the Law also says. If they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church (1 Cor. 14:34-35).” If we say we adhere to Scripture, why do we overlook these passages? These passages also imply that husbands should understand the Word of God in order to be able to provide answers when asked. In 1 Corinthians 14:37-38, Paul makes an important statement: “If anyone thinks he is a prophet or spiritual, let him recognize that the things which I write to you are the Lord’s commandment. But if anyone does not recognize this, he is not recognized.” He is referring to everything written to the Corinthians about the proper order in the church, including his instructions about women. Although Paul writes the letter, the message is from the Lord and is a commandment to be obeyed.

Will leaders in the church adhere to Paul’s message to Timothy in 1 Timothy 3:4-7?:

“He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.”

How many times have we heard of pastors’ kids going off the rails or becoming estranged from their parents? Scripture tells us that if a leader in the church cannot manage his own home, he should not be a leader. And that brings me to probably the most controversial point—there is no mention in Scripture of female leadership in the church. Older women should teach younger women (Titus 2:3-5) and mothers should teach their children (Proverbs 1:8), but Paul is clear that a woman should not teach over a man (1 Timothy 2:12). It violates the order of submission within the church and home. The church has become disobedient to the Lord in that area, which has led to many women trying to be the spiritual leaders of their own homes. Yet there are plenty of roles for women in the church. Scripture talks about spiritual gifts being given to all members of the church, including women. We also know of prophetesses in Scripture such as Anna in Luke 2:36 and women who supported Jesus’ ministry and early church ministry (Matthew 27:55; Luke 8:2-3; Luke 10:38-42; Acts 16:13-15; Romans 16:1). The Lord created men and women and loves both equally; however, each one has his or her proper roles in the home and in the church.

The enemy knows all of these things and has used our culture to normalize what is not from God. He has caused the people of God to fear man more than fearing God to the point where not only has marriage been targeted but also our children. Innocence has been stripped away to normalize sexual behavior and deviance among children. If we cannot get our homes straight and back on the spiritual track to obeying God and His Word, the church will also fall apart. Each home is a mini church where the husband/father leads the home in truth, and the wife submits to him out of obedience to the Lord, and the children submit to their parents out of obedience to the Lord. The world will hate us for it, but Jesus already prayed to the Father on our behalf even before we decided to take the name of “Christian”:

“While I was with them (the disciples), I was keeping them in Your name which You have given Me; and I guarded them and not one of them perished but the son of perdition, so that Scripture would be fulfilled. But now I come to You; and these things I speak in the world so that they may have My joy made full in themselves. I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your Word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them in the world. For their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth. I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me. The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.” John 17:12-23

Jesus spoke these words to the Father right before He was arrested and later crucified to take away our sins, even the ones we are now committing in the church. If we, as the church, want to be presented to Him as holy, spotless, and blameless when He returns (Ephesians 5:27), we must ask for forgiveness and remove the sin that we’ve allowed in the church. We must ask God to help us restore our families and our churches according to His Word and His order for how can He work through us if we have chosen to follow the world? It is our time to choose.

©Lauren Demuth