Culture

Culture’s War on the Biblical Family

It’s time to get real. The enemy has been in the business of causing division and strife within the family since creation. Eve, knowing what God had said about the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, was still deceived and ate from it, believing that she would be like God in wisdom. Adam, also knowing the word of the Lord, still ate when Eve offered him the fruit. Thus sin entered the world, and Adam and Eve were removed from the perfect Garden of Eden to face the consequences of their actions. Then we read about Cain and Abel where Abel gives an offering pleasing to God, but Cain’s offering was less pleasing than Abel’s so Cain murdered his brother. Jacob and Esau were rivals since birth, yet Jacob, being younger, gained Esau’s birthright and become the father of the nation of Israel. Skip ahead to the modern age and now we have homosexual and transgender families paraded around our culture as lampposts for the modern family. Divorce has become expected rather than being the exception. Movies, television shows, schools, social media, businesses, and news media have normalized these kinds of families to where we have become numb, or even worse, afraid to speak out. We have become complacent and think that this is just how life is supposed to be. What we forget is that mankind, since creation, has had the gift of free will.

Eve chose to eat the fruit knowing God’s warning, and Adam chose to follow his wife instead of God. In Genesis 4:7, Cain was warned by God that sin was at his door desiring him, and he must master it. But instead Cain chose to kill his brother. In Genesis 25:23, the Lord revealed to Rebekah that she had twins in her womb—two nations—and the older (Esau) would serve the younger (Jacob). As they grew up, Esau became the hunter, but Jacob was peaceful. One day Esau came home famished and desired the food Jacob made. Jacob asked Esau for his birthright first, and Esau swore it to him (Gen. 25:31-34). Therefore, Esau had no regard for the blessing given to him. He chose to give away what was his over his temporary desire for food, and in the end he became the nation of Edom, separated from Jacob’s family, the nation of Israel. In everything, there is a choice. As the church, we can choose to remain silent about what has happened to the biblical family, or we can stand up for what is right, knowing that it can cost us dearly on earth. As Jesus taught His disciples in Matthew 6:19-21, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth or rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Do we treasure the spiritual well-being of our home and the church over the riches and stature given to us in this world by remaining silent?

The main problem is that the church does not know how to defend the biblical family because it doesn’t know what the family is supposed to look like. We spend more time engaging with the world and its message rather than the truth of God’s Word. The average Christian can quote John 3:16, Jeremiah 29:11 and Philippians 4:13, but can he or she recall what Ephesians 5 says about marriage? Will a Christian woman say that a wife is commanded to submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ (Eph. 5:22-24)? Will a Christian man say that a husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church, giving Himself up for her (Eph. 5:25-30)? Will a Christian woman adhere to Paul’s instructions to Timothy in 1 Timothy 2:9-15?:

“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.”

In addition, after writing about the proper order within church gatherings, Paul instructs the church in Corinth (a letter that would have been read at other churches as well) about women: “The women are to keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but are to subject themselves, just as the Law also says. If they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church (1 Cor. 14:34-35).” If we say we adhere to Scripture, why do we overlook these passages? These passages also imply that husbands should understand the Word of God in order to be able to provide answers when asked. In 1 Corinthians 14:37-38, Paul makes an important statement: “If anyone thinks he is a prophet or spiritual, let him recognize that the things which I write to you are the Lord’s commandment. But if anyone does not recognize this, he is not recognized.” He is referring to everything written to the Corinthians about the proper order in the church, including his instructions about women. Although Paul writes the letter, the message is from the Lord and is a commandment to be obeyed.

Will leaders in the church adhere to Paul’s message to Timothy in 1 Timothy 3:4-7?:

“He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.”

How many times have we heard of pastors’ kids going off the rails or becoming estranged from their parents? Scripture tells us that if a leader in the church cannot manage his own home, he should not be a leader. And that brings me to probably the most controversial point—there is no mention in Scripture of female leadership in the church. Older women should teach younger women (Titus 2:3-5) and mothers should teach their children (Proverbs 1:8), but Paul is clear that a woman should not teach over a man (1 Timothy 2:12). It violates the order of submission within the church and home. The church has become disobedient to the Lord in that area, which has led to many women trying to be the spiritual leaders of their own homes. Yet there are plenty of roles for women in the church. Scripture talks about spiritual gifts being given to all members of the church, including women. We also know of prophetesses in Scripture such as Anna in Luke 2:36 and women who supported Jesus’ ministry and early church ministry (Matthew 27:55; Luke 8:2-3; Luke 10:38-42; Acts 16:13-15; Romans 16:1). The Lord created men and women and loves both equally; however, each one has his or her proper roles in the home and in the church.

The enemy knows all of these things and has used our culture to normalize what is not from God. He has caused the people of God to fear man more than fearing God to the point where not only has marriage been targeted but also our children. Innocence has been stripped away to normalize sexual behavior and deviance among children. If we cannot get our homes straight and back on the spiritual track to obeying God and His Word, the church will also fall apart. Each home is a mini church where the husband/father leads the home in truth, and the wife submits to him out of obedience to the Lord, and the children submit to their parents out of obedience to the Lord. The world will hate us for it, but Jesus already prayed to the Father on our behalf even before we decided to take the name of “Christian”:

“While I was with them (the disciples), I was keeping them in Your name which You have given Me; and I guarded them and not one of them perished but the son of perdition, so that Scripture would be fulfilled. But now I come to You; and these things I speak in the world so that they may have My joy made full in themselves. I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your Word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them in the world. For their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth. I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me. The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.” John 17:12-23

Jesus spoke these words to the Father right before He was arrested and later crucified to take away our sins, even the ones we are now committing in the church. If we, as the church, want to be presented to Him as holy, spotless, and blameless when He returns (Ephesians 5:27), we must ask for forgiveness and remove the sin that we’ve allowed in the church. We must ask God to help us restore our families and our churches according to His Word and His order for how can He work through us if we have chosen to follow the world? It is our time to choose.

©Lauren Demuth

Book Update

My book, Evaluating Western Christianity’s Interpretation of Biblical Polygamy, is officially available on my publisher’s website: http://www.patriarchpublishinghouse.com/9781629045214.htm. A copy is $9.95 plus S&H. If you live outside of the United States, this book can be shipped internationally.

For a summary of this book visit my post Finally Published!

If you’re interested in why I have chosen to write about biblical polygamy, please check out The Story Behind the Book.

If you have any questions, comments, or insights, I’d love to read them and dialogue with you 🙂

The Story Behind the Book

Polygamy.[1] This word often conjures up negative thoughts, images, and stories told throughout the years. The Western world most likely identifies polygamy with Mormonism and the tragedies therein. It seems as though these tragedies have defined what polygamy is all about, but is this generalization really fair? Before you misunderstand me, I am NOT (nor ever have been) a Mormon nor do I agree with the tenets of Mormonism. Rather, my interest in polygamy derives from my love of missions.

Because of the negativity surrounding polygamy in the Western world, people’s perceptions and feelings often get inserted into Scriptural depictions of polygamy. Growing up in the church, I was taught that God simply tolerated polygamy practiced by the biblical patriarchs. This “toleration” led me to believe that polygamy was indeed a sin, but for some reason God just let it go. The impression I got from this teaching was that these patriarchs were righteous men who happened to make mistakes along the way. But one question remained in my heart: Does God really tolerate sin to the point of not saying ANYTHING? It wasn’t until much later that I reevaluated this thought process.

I started participating in short-term mission trips around 11 years old. In the following years, my passion and heart grew for missions as I traveled to Hungary, Romania, Thailand, Peru, and South Africa. I met amazing people who had a heart and hunger for the truth. I pursued a degree in Intercultural Studies because it has been God’s desire for me to be a missionary. In learning how to approach another culture and teach the Gospel, the subject of polygamy would come up from time to time. I wrestled with the question, What would I do? Can I justify teaching people to split up their families because they’re in sin? On the flip side, can I live with teaching people how to live a Christian life while still living in sin? It seemed like there was no good outcome to either of these questions. As soon as I would ponder this dilemma, I pushed it off and moved onto something else. It wasn’t until I was sitting in a Cultural Anthropology class during my undergraduate studies that I was confronted with these same questions.

My professor must have been talking about different family structures one day (I don’t exactly remember), and he commented that he didn’t think Scripture teaches against polygamy. I had never heard anyone say this before. This went completely against what I had been taught, and I questioned him, What about this Scripture? What about that Scripture? He gave me some responses, but he didn’t have much to say. He mainly was just giving the class his opinion. Within this discussion he commented how polygamous families coming to America were often forced to divorce because of our laws, and my professor didn’t agree with that. He also shared one story in particular that caught my attention.

Years ago his parents were missionaries in Western Africa. His parents were planting a new church and needed funding for a new building. A polygamist offered to pay for the project (polygamists tend to have more wealth which they need to take care of their larger families), and apparently my professor’s parents agreed. However, when it came time for services to begin, the missionaries wouldn’t allow the polygamist to participate unless he was no longer a polygamist. As I listened, I could tell that my professor was not pleased with his parents’ decision, and I began to wonder a few things myself. Why did they offer to let the man pay the expenses if they didn’t agree with his lifestyle? Because they accepted his money, how could they justify excluding him from the body? What kind of message did this send to the rest of the village? How could they encourage divorce in order to participate in the body of Christ? At this point, I couldn’t let the polygamy dilemma go. There had to be a biblical course of action.

I decided to take a fresh look at Scripture again and found that there is, indeed, no prohibition of polygamy. There are regulations concerning polygamy in the Law, and there are a number of narratives involving polygamy, but there is no prohibition. On the contrary, there are a few passages that seem to indicate God’s involvement rather than a simple toleration. For example, in 2 Samuel 12 Nathan confronts David about his sins of adultery and murder. Pay attention to what the Lord says through Nathan in vv. 7-8, “Nathan then said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the Lord God of Israel, ‘It is I who anointed you king over Israel and it is I who delivered you from the hand of Saul. I also gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your care, and I gave you the house of Israel and Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have added to you many more things like these!’” (Bold words added for emphasis). God Himself tells David that it was He who gave him Saul’s wives. If the things God had given David were too little (this includes wives), He would have given him more. If polygamy was contrary to God’s divine plan for marriage, it does not make sense for Him to offer more wives to David. Also, if you read through the rest of that passage (vv. 9-23), you will find that God’s punishment of David and his household had nothing to do with polygamy, but rather it was because David committed adultery with Bathsheba and murdered her husband.

Another example is Genesis 29:31-30:24. It would take too long to discuss this passage in length (I discuss it in my book), but I bring it up to make you aware of how much God is involved in the growth of Jacob’s family. He opens Leah’s womb (Gen. 29:31), and she initially bears four sons. When she names them she praises the Lord for hearing and seeing her in her affliction. God is perceived as the One blessing her. When Rachel remains barren she gives her handmaid to Jacob, and the children that Bilhah bears become Rachel’s children. Leah also does the same thing when she stops childbearing and gives her handmaid, Zilpah, to Jacob. The wives themselves make this choice. Jacob does not simply take for himself (This is similar to Abraham’s story when Sarah gives Hagar to him). When Leah bears again in v. 17, she exclaims in v. 18, “God has given me my wages because I gave my maid to my husband.” Again, God is constantly perceived as being involved in childbearing. Then it’s Rachel’s turn. Verse 22 says, “Then God remembered Rachel, and God gave heed to her and opened her womb.” Some scholars argue that the language used to describe God’s involvement is just simply how the people viewed their situation. It’s not really what was going on. However, if we follow this kind of logic then we would have to doubt all of Scripture. With this same logic, every Christian perceives that he/she is saved because of Jesus’ sacrifice, but this is not necessarily true. This is just what we want to believe. Now, we would argue that such a conclusion is false. So why is it that people assume that the OT is only a perception of truth but not a representation of truth itself? I hold to the belief that when Scripture indicates God’s involvement, He was truly involved. You can make your own conclusions.

In 1 Samuel 1 God blesses Hannah, one of Elkanah’s wives, with a son (Samuel) whom she dedicates to the Lord. This man becomes an important prophet in Israel’s history. In 2 Chronicles 24:3, Jehoiada (a righteous priest) takes two wives for young king Joash. Again, if a person is deemed righteous, it does not make sense to say that their actions are sinful unless they are noted as such.

One of the most eye-opening passages of Scripture in my study of polygamy is Ezekiel 23. In this passage, the Lord (through Ezekiel) allegorizes the sins that Judah and Samaria have committed against Him. Let’s take a look at vv. 1-4, “The word of the Lord came to me again, saying, ‘Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother;  and they played the harlot in Egypt. They played the harlot in their youth; there their breasts were pressed and there their virgin bosom was handled. Their names were Oholah the elder and Oholibah her sister. And they became Mine, and they bore sons and daughters. And as for their names, Samaria is Oholah and Jerusalem is Oholibah’” (Bold print added for emphasis). Now, I am fully aware that this is NOT saying that the Lord is literally married to Judah and Samaria. The text is obviously allegorical to convey their abhorrent acts (continue reading the rest of the chapter). However, I am proposing that the Lord would not use a sinful depiction to describe Himself. The text explains how Oholah and Oholibah have committed adultery against the Lord. The only way for a woman to commit adultery against a man is if she’s married to him. In this context, it seems that God has depicted Himself as a polygamous husband to two women (Judah and Samaria) who eventually commit adultery against Him. Therefore, I have asked myself, If polygamy is sinful, why would God describe Himself in this manner? If God describes Himself as a polygamous husband in the OT, it does not make sense to say that polygamy is a sin in the OT. As such, since God is both omniscient and immutable, it stands to reason that polygamy is not a sin in the NT. If I choose to believe otherwise, I fear that I would be questioning God’s nature.

I understand that polygamy is a taboo topic, but the main question I have had to ask myself is: Does the Bible prohibit polygamy, or is it my culture’s prohibition of polygamy that gets inserted into biblical interpretation and the text itself? This question is not only relevant for polygamy, but for any topic. I am accountable for what I hear, read, teach, and believe. If I don’t take the time to understand what Scripture has to say about polygamy (or not say), my decisions (particularly on the mission field) and interpretations can continue to have a negative impact on cultures that practice polygamy. In many cases over the last 100+ years, missionaries have either suggested or demanded that polygamous husbands divorce all but their first wife if they want to be baptized or participate at all in the church. This has led to devastating results. Some wives have had no other option than to become prostitutes to take care of themselves. In a number of these cultures most men do not want to marry a divorced woman (divorce is often viewed as dishonorable), which is quite a foreign concept for Western societies. Divorce also has a negative impact on children who are either torn from their father and live with their poor mother (and possibly her extended family) or are torn from their mothers and live with their father. I’m not writing this to be condemning, but rather to illustrate that if we interpret Scripture based on our cultural values rather than biblically-founded values, there may be serious consequences. People have already interpreted Scripture in this way about divorce, abortion, homosexuality, promiscuity, etc. In this present age, Scripture has become whatever we want it to say, and this mindset carries many dangers.

I’ve done more research besides what I’ve discussed here, but I wanted to give you an inside look into some of my thoughts and questions. I also hope that I’ve challenged you somehow. Please feel free to ask a question or give a comment.

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I’ll keep you updated on book news once I receive it from my publisher.

Feel free to check out http://www.lulu.com/shop/lauren-heiligenthal/evaluating-western-christianitys-interpretation-of-biblical-polygamy/paperback/product-21877418.html. It appears that you have to be registered with lulu.com to buy my book if you’re interested.

My publisher’s website is http://www.patriarchpublishinghouse.com/. My book should appear on this website soon. Also, they have many other books on polygamy and patriarchy if these topics interest you.

Footnote

[1] I am specifically referring to polygyny, which is one man having multiple wives. I focus on this form of polygamous marriage because it is demonstrated in Scripture and appears to be an acceptable form of marriage. Other forms of polygamy, such as polyandry (one woman with multiple husbands), polyamory (multiple relationships at the same time), and polygynandry (multiple husbands and wives in an intertwining of relationships), are not demonstrated in Scripture. I believe they are considered sinful because polyandry and polygynandry result in adultery. Polyamory could involve adultery, but it is also a demonstration of blatant sexual promiscuity.

© Lauren Heiligenthal

Dichotomy

Are you influenced by the world? I’m not sure I’d believe you if your answer is “No.” We’re all part of a culture (or many cultures) from the time we’re born. We don’t realize how much it becomes ingrained in us until we are confronted with other cultures. What may be acceptable in my culture may not be acceptable in yours. Scripture is a whole different standard. It rises above culture even though God can work within it. As Christians we’re taught to be in the world but not of it. Easier said than done. We’re called to live differently even though our culture may not understand. We stand against the world’s norms only to be attacked for not being tolerant. We’re called to fight our flesh and walk in the Spirit. As much as I’ve grown in the Lord over the years, I still struggle with fear and worry. I didn’t realize how much I still think like the American culture until recently. God has demonstrated His power and provision abundantly in my life, yet I still falter. I’m sure I’m not alone. From what I’ve observed through my Christian education, current Christianity (at least from an American perspective) is not that different from the world…and this is a problem. We claim the supremacy and power of God while trying to do everything on our own. We follow the cultural routine of going to school, getting a job, making money, etc. without even consulting God because we’re taught that these actions are the right, Christian things to do. We’re also inspired when we read about the disciples because they dropped everything to follow Christ. They literally left their livelihoods. Sometimes they were ordered by Christ to take money and extra clothing with them on their journeys whereas other times they were supposed to be provided for by the people they ministered to. As disciples of Christ, are we willing to follow God like this? To live in constant trust that the Lord takes care of His children? I don’t know about you, but it’s the world in me that keeps me from such trust…and it’s my job to kick it out. I wrote a short poem to help me sort through all of these thoughts.

The World in Me (originally written September 9, 2014)

Striving to follow God,

I’m being held back by my own mind.

I thought I purged the world from within,

but there’s still residue.

 

I never realized how powerful culture can be

until I started to fight it.

How ingrained are my ways of thinking.

How set are the priorities of the world.

 

I focus on what’s temporary instead of the eternal.

I place what I need to accomplish above others.

Instead of following the wisdom of the world,

I ought to be a fool for Christ:

 

Ministry is greater than monetary gain.

Selflessness demonstrates true love.

Forgiveness is more powerful than bitterness.

Trusting what is unseen results in the miraculous.

 

The world does not understand these things,

but the Spirit does.

It’s time to stop living with this dichotomy

and vanquish the world in me.

© Lauren Heiligenthal